Yesterday's Beginnings: Gaea Redux
by Anita
Summary: A compilation of fics centred on Merle and the events revolving around her.
1. Ab Aeterno

I have chosen to take up the fic challenge at the over-look community on Livejournal, and I have picked Merle as my claim. Merle is a character in Escaflowne that I personally really love, and I wish there was more representation for her in fandom. Hopefully this challenge will help me fill a bit of that void. This is the collection of all my works related to the challenge. Each piece has a prompt or theme associated with it. I will update periodically, and I hope you enjoy the fics! Please read and review. I would love to hear what you all think. Thanks!

* * *

Ab Aeterno – Since The Beginning

6. Company

Merle looked around at the glowing faces. Everyone was working together, and the progress was amazing. Fanelia was up and running, and now the citizens of Fanelia had decided to go out and help others get back on their feet. They were now in Freid, assisting in the restorations. Life had never been so peaceful.

The young cat-girl looked around, noticing one small imperfection. Van was nowhere to be found. The King of Fanelia himself had agreed to come to Freid and help their allies reinstate harmony and order. But once they had reached, he had slipped away, unnoticed. Merle needed to know where he was.

"Merle, is something wrong?"

She turned to find Prince Chid (but it was Duke now, wasn't it?) staring at her expectantly.

"Chid, I…have you seen Van?" She asked, hoping someone knew where he was.

He smiled. "Van's old enough to take care of himself."

Merle smiled back uneasily. She knew that. She knew she had to learn to let go. But something about this was different…

Chid caught her small look of disquiet. "I don't know where he is, but I saw him make his way into the forest. Maybe you could look for him there?" He suggested.

Merle smiled again, a real smile. "Thank you, Chid." And she was off.

* * *

Merle made her way into the forest and found Van deep in thought, staring at the sky.

"Van-sama?" She hesitantly called to him.

He snapped out of his trance and turned to smile warmly at her. "Hi Merle."

"What are you doing here?" Merle asked, taking a step closer. "Everyone's working so hard, aren't you going to go help them?"

"I'm sorry. I just…the last time I saw her was in a forest just like this one…"

"Hitomi…"

Van nodded. "Sometimes I wonder what she's doing right now." He whispered. Merle was certain he was talking to himself, not to her.

"Van-sama, I'm sorry. If you need some time alone, I'll leave. Chid and the others will understand." Merle forced a smile upon her face and turned to leave.

"Please don't leave, Merle."

She looked up at him in shock.

"Please, keep me company."

* * *

They sat comfortably in silence for a few moments. It had been so long since they had spent time together like this. Merle revelled in the feeling and preferred to stay silent.

"Merle, I don't want us to grow apart." Van spoke, finally. "I feel like you are pulling away. Every day, I feel like things are changing between us a little bit more, and I don't want that."

Merle was unable to look him in the eyes. "Van-sama…you need your space."

Merle sighed. She had been so loyal to Van, and he had slowly yet surely moved away from her. Now, when she was finally ready to let go, he wanted her back.

"What I need most right now is a friend. My best friend."

The illustrious Mystic Moon hung high in the sky, watching over the scene; their lives were inseparable, their destinies entwined.

Merle nodded in understanding, placing her head on Van's shoulder. Maybe this was what he needed; this was what she could give him.


	2. Lapsus Linguae

Lapsus Linguae – Slip of the Tongue

2. Bad Feeling

From the beginning, Merle sensed there was something strange about the girl from the mystic moon.

Merle had kept silent as she watched Van sharpen Escaflowne's sword, the mark of Hitomi's hand clear upon his face. She knew words would only make matters worse.

That silly girl had raised a hand to Van-sama, and for what reason? Van had hurt Hitomi's pride, but she had to learn her place. How could she just stroll into their world and take control?

She didn't understand their struggle and their pain. Van had lost his home and his closest family, he was fighting to make things right again.

Hitomi could never understand that.

And still, as the rain poured down, Van decided to go running after her. She was just a silly girl who didn't belong anywhere near the King of Fanelia. He didn't always need to save her. She needed to learn to save herself.

Merle had sensed that something was wrong the moment she had met Hitomi. She could smell it on her clothes and in her hair. She could see it when Van gave her his precious smile.

But nothing compared to the feeling Merle felt in the pit of her stomach when Van returned desolate, deflated, drenched by the rains.

Hitomi was nothing but trouble. Merle could clearly see it. Why couldn't he?

"Van-sama…" Merle began, but he did not respond. He had a faraway look in his eyes; he was lost somewhere and she couldn't get him back.

"You need to forget her. Forget all about Hitomi, Van!" Merle spoke abruptly and urgently. She just wanted him to understand.

He remained still, unable to meet her eyes.

Merle realized she would have to live with this bad feeling for a long time…


	3. Post Tenebras Lux

Post Tenebras Lux – Light After Darkness

3. Colour

_Red_. The colour of Van's shirt, so easily torn by the force of his own wings, his one secret. And she is its only keeper. The colour of his blood, staining the ground. Almost like an afterthought.

_Green_. Like the eyes of the girl from the mystic moon. Undeniably charming, irritatingly necessary. Somehow, she had weaved her way into their destinies; there was no chance of letting go.

_Blue_. The endless ocean, separating them from their homelands. The boundless sky, playing upon her dreams and chasing away the cruel nights.

_Orange._ Flames of the hellfire. So fresh in her memory, the destruction and chaos that tore her from the place she called home. The flame she can so clearly see in the enemy's eyes as he tears Gaea apart.

_Yellow_. As bright as the brilliant sun. It reminds her of the strong knight of Asturia; his long flowing locks shine like a beacon. His confidence, his skill, his valour all offer her a glimmer of faith.

_Black_. The starlight drifts along, illuminating the dark night as she stares into its visions for the future. The same deep shade of the wings that carry Van's brother forward to his undecided fate. She wonders just what tomorrow will bring.

_White_. A blank slate, a clean start. Purity, brightness, a whole new world in bloom. The colour of lilies, jasmines, a simple rose. A reminder of the soft feathers that he spreads across the land, bringing them hope.

That is the only colour she can remember now. It is all she can wish for.


	4. Nulli Secundus

Nulli Secundus – Second To None

10. Second

Merle had spent so many afternoons of her young life watching the Prince of Fanelia become a king. She had spent so many years sitting unusually quiet as Balgus spoke words of wisdom to his pupil.

The words had never been meant for her, she knew that, but still she chose to take them to heart. The training was not intended for her, yet she knew deep down inside that she was worthy of it. She was a warrior in her own right. And so she learned the philosophies of a fighter; she knew the soul of a soldier.

_A battle is not won by mere strength; you need to conquer the difficulties in your mind, Van-sama. Only once you have truly understood that you have no equal will you be able to vanquish all of your enemies._

Merle hates being second. In her vocabulary, there is only number one. Van-sama taught her that, to be nothing but the best. She has lived in the realm of Fanelia royalty; she knows she is not a mere ordinary cat-girl. She may be an orphan, but Van and his family had never let her feel the weight of the world.

So when Hitomi arrives, and Merle has become second best, she can't stand it. She knows that her entire world is going to change.


	5. Ex Ante

Ex Ante – From Before

7. Before

"Can Merle come with us to the marketplace, Balgus-san?"

She couldn't believe her ears. Would she really be allowed to join them on their trip outside of the royal gates?

Merle held her breath as Balgus gave her a once-over. "I suppose." Balgus relented. "But she's your responsibility, Van-sama."

Merle made to pounce on Van playfully in celebration, but was stopped short by Balgus' warning look.

* * *

The smells, sights and sounds of the marketplace overwhelmed Merle. Staying cooped up in the royal courtyard had left her feeling restless for many days. It felt wonderful to be among the throngs of busy people.

They stared in awe at Van and Balgus and Merle felt proud to be clinging to Van's arm; she stood a little taller as she walked.

"So what do you think of the outside world, Merle? It's been so long since you've been out here, hasn't it?" Van asked, smiling down at his friend.

"It's wonderful Van-sama. Thank you for letting me come with you."

"Don't thank me, thank Balgus."

Merle gingerly looked up at Balgus. "Thank you, Balgus-san." She whispered.

"You're welcome, Merle. Just try to stay out of trouble."

Merle nodded resolutely. "I will."

* * *

Merle bounded over to the jewellery shop. "Wow! These are so pretty!"

"You like them?" The shopkeeper asked with a smile. "Take your pick. My gift as a friend to the royal family."

"Really?" Merle's eyes widened in excitement. "Oh, thank you so much!"

She scoured the items, studying them all closely, until her eyes landed upon a simple pink charm pendant. Merle picked it up and placed it around her neck.

"You have lovely taste, young lady."

Merle smiled gratefully and walked happily away. She couldn't wait to show Van her new trinket.

She stopped short as she caught a pair of crystal green eyes observing her from the nearby bushes. The eyes widened in shock and were gone in a flash; all Merle saw was a sliver of grey out of the corner of her eye.

* * *

Merle chased after her unknown prowler, making her way past the bushes.

She found herself face-to-face with a tall cat-girl. Her fur was pure silver and she wore a dull scowl.

"Why were you following me?" Merle asked.

The older cat-girl turned away. "No reason."

"You're a cat-girl, just like me!" Merle rejoiced. This was exactly why she had wanted to travel outside the royal walls. She wanted to meet new people, make new friends. She wanted to have brilliant adventures.

"Not exactly like you…" The silver cat muttered.

"It's been so long since I've even seen another cat-girl. This is so exciting! You should come to the royal courtyard; I can show you where to catch the freshest fish. And you should meet Van-sama! He's so wonderful. I know you'll love him. And even Balgus-san after a while –"

"Stop." She gave Merle a warning look. "Just forget you ever saw me."

"What?"

"You and I, we can **never** be friends." She spat back.

"Why not?" Merle asked in a small voice.

"The jewel you wear around your neck should be answer enough."

Before Merle could get another word in, she heard Balgus rush up behind her, calling her name.

The other cat-girl was gone in a flash.

* * *

"Merle, you have to be more careful out here. Not every creature out in the real world is like you." Balgus explained as Merle nodded slowly, her gaze fixed on the ground.

"You're different, Merle." He looked at her proudly, a grin upon his face. "You bear the smell of royalty."

Merle knew the truth. She bore the smell of humans.


	6. Memento Mori

Memento Mori – Remember Your Death

5. Playing dead

Merle curled her tail behind her as she hid behind the castle walls. She watched the two figures in the distance.

"These flowers are so beautiful, brother." Celena smiled warmly at Allen as they strolled through the royal garden of Fanelia.

_Who do they think they are, walking around Van-sama's palace as if they own the place? They should go back to Asturia and stay there._ Merle saw that the two of them were making their way towards her.

She knew that Van had told her to be kind and hospitable to their guests, but she couldn't forgive all they had put her and Van through. Especially Celena when she had been, well, a he. Merle bristled at the thought of the vicious look she had often seen in Dilandau's eyes. How could she forget that?

Quickly, Merle lay limp on the ground and slowed her breathing before Allen and Celena caught sight of her.

"Allen, what's wrong with Merle-chan?" Celena asked in concern, rushing over to the cat-girl's side.

Allen's brow furrowed as he studied the young girl. "I hope she's alright."

Celena hurriedly pulled at Merle's tail. "Wake up, Merle-chan! Are you ok?"

_Ow! My tail! Grr, but I can't get up, then they will know I'm just playing dead…_ Merle shut her eyes tighter as the knight of Asturia and his sister poked and prodded her.

"Someone should go get Van!" Celena exclaimed.

_That's Van-__**sama**__ to you!_

"What's wrong Allen?" A voice called out before long as a new figure appeared and noted the situation in perplexity. Chid took one look at the scene and raised an eyebrow at Celena in confusion. "What did you do to Merle?"

Celena raised her hands in defence. "I didn't do anything, honestly. I would never hurt Merle-chan."

_Hmm, if I keep this up, maybe they will kick her out of the kingdom._ Merle grinned inwardly, mischievously.

"I'll go get Van." Chid added, the panic clear in his voice.

"There's no need."

Everyone turned to find Van making his way to the garden.

Allen spoke. "Van, something's wrong with Merle. Is she sick? Is she…?"

Van took one look at Merle. "She's faking it. This is what she does when she wants attention." Merle felt a blush creep onto her face.

"Come on Merle, stop playing around. You can get up now." Van said with a small smile.

Merle grudgingly opened her eyes and sat up. "What are you all staring at?" She asked, trying to hide her embarrassment.

_Why did Van-sama have to ruin my plan?_

Celena smiled brightly and wrapped her arms around Merle. "Oh Merle-chan, are you alright?" Merle stiffened at Celena's touch. _Since when did we become best friends?_

Chid touched Merle gently on the shoulder. "Don't do that to us, we were all so scared."

Allen just stood and shook his head in amusement. "Merle, your antics never cease to confound me."

The group laughed and walked back to the castle, leaving a fuming Merle sitting on the ground.

_It's tough being a cat._


	7. Audentes Fortuna Iuvat

Audentes Fortuna Iuvat – Fortune Favours The Bold

9. Luck

Narunaru and Belubelu. That had been their names at one point in time. A long, long time ago. Naria and Eriya could barely feel a flicker of recognition at the names. The memories had faded quickly with time.

Their old lives had become a distant past day by day, just as their love for their master had grown in the same way.

Folken-sama had promised them a life beyond the one they had known. They had seen the compassion and honesty in his eyes from the very start. Narunaru and Belubelu had known all about humans and the simplicity with which they carried out their deceit. Something was different about the fallen prince of Fanelia. That was the lesson that Naria and Eriya would learn.

Folken had re-christened them, unleashed them from the bonds of their treacherous pasts.

"You both will be reborn. And in your new lives you will find the luck that has escaped you." He had promised. A new life.

It would be years before they truly understood the weight of his words. It would be a lifetime before they understood 'luck'.

* * *

Merle would be amazed when she thought about it later. A single moment of sheer impulse, an absolute spur of the moment act. Some would call it unparalleled bravery but it was only her stubborn devotion.

Merle stepped firmly between Escaflowne and the incoming Zaibach guymelefs. Her place was never on the battlefield, but her pride would never allow her to admit that. All she knew was that she had to save Van-sama any way that she could.

Naria and Eriya recognized something in Merle that made them stop in their tracks. No, it was not because she was a cat-girl just as they were; they were not so sentimental. It was not because of her foolish daring and the obstinacy that was reflected in her eyes, furiously embedded.

They didn't kill Merle because they could see it so clearly; she was dedicating her life to a man who would never love her. A pain they knew all too well.

A pain all three of them would be destined to live with until their final breaths.

But this was something Merle did not understand. She would, with time, but instead she watched with relief and curiosity as the twin guymelefs unceremoniously retreated. Merle was happy, yet she felt something eerie and unyielding floating on the wind.

Merle was surely happy that Van was safe, yet there was something still troubling her.

Her own good luck.


	8. Intaminatis Fulget Honoribus

Intaminatis Fulget Honoribus - Untarnished, She Shines With Honour

4. Pride

Long before Merle had become a member of the royal family of Fanelia she had been well-familiar with the scourge of pride. It was a sentiment that had saved her time and time again, giving her strength when all else was lost. Synthesized courage.

She never let it get in the way. (Or so she thought…)

But the first time Merle met Varie, pride twisted away to some far distant land. It had no power in the presence of such a lady.

Varie was grace personified with an air of dignity Merle had never seen before and would never see again. Even at such a tender age, Merle was mesmerized and enthralled. There was no room for ego in the unassuming heart of the stalwart queen; Fanelia's elegant treasure.

And yet, the humility Merle learned was quickly forgotten. Her heart would swell every time Varie spoke to her directly, every time she addressed the cat girl as she chided her son Van, teasing the prince playfully. Tenderly. In those sparse moments, Merle felt the queen's beauty spiral through her skin as Varie made Merle her own.

She dreamed of having her as mother, of being the daughter she never had.

Merle would watch from corners and ledges as Fanelia's queen commanded and advised with the utmost sense of calm. She never wavered, never faltered and never seemed to be fazed. Even as she lost the men she loved, her resilient visage would not fade away.

If she was honest to herself, Merle knew that all of the pride in the world would not be enough to make her believe she could even trace the soft footsteps of the inimitable Varie of Fanelia.

So Merle was content to shadow her in awe, in hopes of catching the briefest glimpse of a smile.


	9. Mundus Vult Decipi

Mundus Vult Decipi – The World Wants To Be Deceived

8. Betrayal

Merle stared thoughtfully at the sky as she clung to Van's arm. Another battle and another victory for the Prince of Fanelia. She had never had any doubts.

Allen, Dryden and Van continued to discuss their next tactical move. Merle was accustomed to the endless war talk and sidled up next to Van, preparing for another long planning session.

This was the land they had been given, the life they had made for themselves. If they did not fight, then who else would? Merle was proud of them, all of them, for being strong. For protecting those who could not protect themselves.

She knew what being an orphan was like.

Merle smiled happily into Van's shoulder, feeling the warm vibrations of his voice. Comforting, quickly lifting her out of her painful reverie.

"Why is fighting the only thing you can think about?" A voice rang out, causing both Merle and Van to look up. Hitomi stood at the end of the bridge, defiant and disgusted.

"I'm sick of all of it." Hitomi continued. "I'm sick of this whole world."

Merle felt a bolt of dread strike her heart. _Hitomi, please. Don't._

But Merle's silent prayers were not answered.

"Someone send me back, please." Hitomi cried out. "Someone send me back to my world!"

A pillar of light enveloped the girl from the Mystic Moon and Merle could hear the fearful cries from behind her. "Hitomi!"

_No, no, no, Hitomi, you can't go. We need you. __**I**__ need you!_

But Hitomi was long gone, leaving them to fight the final battle all on their own. After everything they had been through, she had abandoned them in their most trying hour. Merle had never felt so disappointed, so upset, so defeated. So betrayed.

Merle glanced at Van, noticing the dead look in his eyes. It was all wrong and she knew she had to make things right.

_Somehow…_

* * *

Only one more left after this. It's been fun, guys, and Merle is an awesome muse! :)


	10. Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit

This is my last chapter. It's been a lot of fun writing about Merle, my favourite character from my favourite anime. Definitely a wonderful challenge which allowed me to explore an overlooked character. I'm glad that you've all enjoyed it, and I once again hope you'll enjoy this final fic. Thank you so much!

* * *

Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit – Everything Changes, But Nothing Is Truly Lost

1. Faith

Merle wasn't a selfish person. As much as she enjoyed maintaining such an exterior, deep down she was more mature than anyone gave her credit for. Even Van.

So when she prodded Van to go after Hitomi, to bring her back before the final war, she was not surprised by the disbelieving look in Van's eyes. Since when had she spoken in favour of anyone besides herself and her prince?

Merle wasn't selfish. She was only afraid of the harshness she had been offered in life. She was only aware of the inevitability of broken trust. She only knew how to follow one law; survival of the fittest. It was so eagerly ingrained into her instincts.

Maybe all it took was one strange girl with incisive eyes and a glowing pendant to change her mind.

* * *

After the war, everything changes. Winds determinedly change directions. Soft clouds come out to play. The birds flock in the sky with a hint of promise.

And Hitomi is gone.

Van's Hitomi. Fanelia's Hitomi. Gaea's Hitomi. But she is not Merle's Hitomi. Merle is the only one who knows that no one can mark the girl as their own. The same way she could never mark her as the Other.

It takes an epic war and the destruction of an empire for Merle to see that she is grateful for what she has and not for what she has only imagined was hers.

Merle was born into a life of impulse, something that had kept her alive for so many years. Yet, for once she is unable to share her thoughts with anyone, not even Van. But it flows through her very veins, bristling through every inch of her fur.

She doesn't need blind devotion to see that the future will be just as it is meant to be. She has something stronger. Faith in the good that crumbles from the wreckage of the bad. Faith in a peace that settles over a tired land. Faith in their imperviously united resolve.

Faith that Hitomi will return.

So Merle simply smiles up at the night sky and finally forgets to ponder unanswerable questions.

She's home.


End file.
